Wednesday, November 14, 2007
this ain't a candid(:
i cried today during A Maths class.
i need songs i need to cry.
i just sat there, put my head down, plug in the headphones and yes,
start crying babe.
i feel better, yes sort of.
12am quarrel,you want the contents?
it was a horrible one
my computer didnt save though:/
yes, it started when i always would chat with him.
yes yes yes, we crapped and stuff then at 8 plus i think,
he said "brb"
then i waited for him for soo looong, he finally came online,
*reliefs*
he didnt start a conver with me, i guesses he was busy, btw i was
talking to kiwi too, so yeah.
we were practically sharing emo songs, ( mostly he)
and crapping about eugene-.-"
i liked this song the remedy, damn nice.
so i though i would cheer him up with this,
i started the conver luh,then he asked why?
so i said " listen"
then he said " NO"
okay, i was damn hurt.you know.
i care so much for him, i thought of making him happy
cause he's been working his ass off there.
ain't sharing stuff goood?
i got pissed, i said fine.
he kept asking why i told him to shut up,
just shut up.
he apologised and that was when i had enough.
what am i to you?
what? you could have practically told me nicely you couldnt see it right.
i typed damn long, that i dont even know why i cared for him,
why i would want him to be happy,
why i would care whether he satrted a conver with me /not.
hell with it, i said i didnt want to talk, he said he wanted and is at all ears.
i dont want. my chest hurts that moment, all i want was to go.
i told him he hurt me once, twice and always.
he apologised, but it isn't the main point.
i told him about you know the church thingy, he said he didnt mean to hurt me,
he said i was cute afterall, puh-lease,
i typed: you know how many nights i have cried over this?
i said i couldnt take it anymore.
this was when he told me he cared for me,
if not he wont be talking.
i told him liking him is suffering he asked why suffering,
i had no choice all i want was tell him " i like you so what?"
he didnt get it,
i told him to forget it,
i will never like him,
wont
shall not,
and forever i guess.
my heart just broke.
i had no mood to talk,
tears keep coming, chest keps hurting,
so many things, he dont get it.
so i said pretend it's all a dream, forget it, and try to forget me liking you.
he said i know he cant
well TRY.
i dont want to continue, i had enoughhhhfff.
i dont know, he kept reassuring me,
but i keep rejecting.
i cried like46782 times.
finally i told him, forget it.
he asked me whether i was fine,
he said he didnt want m to be not fine, because that worries him.
okay, if you really do, then what am i to you>
where do i stand in your heart?
am i ever important to you?
i just said i aint turning crazy and i ahd enough.
told him to sleep early, and i got offline.
you know i feel so sad,
i cant slep.
i cant forget him, though it hurts and i'm suffering.
i dont care anymore,
i have enough.
it's all just a dream,
that you nevr said i miss you too,
that you said nv catch a cold,
that you said you care for me
as a friend? thanks.
but in serious fucking fact is i like you,
and i hate the fact that everything you say matters to me.
Y1:32 PM
